So much to tell, so little time ...

I just participated in a test that should show you what your ideal job will be and whatnot. It was sort of depressing, because the result was something I didn*t like ... Some jobs connected to sports, for example. Or teeth Oô. I surely wouldn*t like to do this ...

Fact is, music therapist is a good job, but right now, I feel like I lack the enthusiasm about it. I, however, started composing a new song today. It features power chords ONLY so far, so I guess it is not that good, but on the other hand, I just hope I will be able to concentrate on something I like doing. Such as "making music". The song itself is called "Freedom", like so many other songs written before, and since I played the chords like a billion times today I feel I have heard it somewhere before. And I hate this feeling because you never know whether you really stole it from somebody else ... Gahgahgah. I will play it to my family this weekend; I hope I will be finished with the chords and so on by then. Most of the music is written already, with funny numbers that represent the single chords.

I feel a little bit sad about this result, really. But who am I to think a machine, a computer knows what is best for me? It just tried to help, and I am thankful for this ... But then again, I hope I will get a job that is connected with the thing I love most ... MUSIC.

And I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow in the early morning hours. DO NOT WANT!! ó___ò

(I guess I will write a lot more tomorrow, but that is that for now. Feel relieved. Happy. Insecure about what is to come :P ...)

Music therapy :)

Maybe some of you guys know already that I once considered a career as a music therapist. However, because of various personal reasons, and because my enthusiasm vanished soon, I didn*t continue walking this path, and tried to concentrate on making music, composing, etc. It was best those days, since I was somewhat lost on the way.

However, the idea came back to me. This time, I think this would be a wonderful job for several reasons, and I really want to do an internship with a music therapist, a psychiatric unit, or something like this. I am not scared of those people because I have been in the situation myself; I don*t want to say "I know what they think", but I*d be willing to help them and give them something that will make them happy, that will cheer them up, or help them overcome fears ... But it*s not only that. I*d feel "useful", I*d feel like I am doing something good for others, and for myself.

There are things I am scared of, though. But all these have positive sites, too. It isn*t a job one can finish at a certain hour and then quit thinking about it. You have to make plans and think about ways to get "through" to others (at least that*s what I think), but it also means there will never be boredom. I am scared that people might not allow me to study music therapy because of my disease, but on the other hand, I am taking my medication, I am young (at least imho XD), I didn*t fall back into old behaviour ... I accept people the way they are, and I would never judge somebody just because of his or her mental disease. One cannot imagine how lovely people in such institutions can be. Same goes for old people, or people with handicaps. I am not scared of them ... Just of making mistakes.

However, I want to do this internship, and I already found some adresses of music therapists, etc. and I will have to ask this organization some questions :). Also, it seems like one can do a semester or so outside Germany, which would be great. ^o^ Oh yeah, and I am scared of the entrance examination ... But on the other hand, for example, I can play my emotions on the guitar. And I want to start taking guitar lessons again soon. AND I also think that the internship prepares you for the entrance examination :).

I am just wondering whether one can study it along with other subjects. It seems like this is not possible, but I will find ways how to continue studying other subjects after I got accepted.

I want to bring joy to other people*s lives. Not just because of my own selfishness. I know how much it helped me when I was able to play the guitar or sing or do something else musically when I felt so down. Ah well ...

At least it is an idea. I will ask my psychiatrist whether I am able to do this. I didn*t want to ask last time because I thought if the idea vanishes again, it wouldn*t be that nice ... But helping others, combined with music, and always learning new things, and making others happy ... This sounds like a dream job ^_^.

So let*s hope for the best.

Some dreams I had last night.

I don*t feel very well, due to the fact I had a strange dream. But one thing after another :

- Sequence #1 : Meian* asked me why Jesus was so famous. I explained to her everything I know, and she listened. Nothing thrilling happened here, except for the fact I was always searching for the right words to express what I thought.

- Sequence #2 : We were in a bus (AGAIN!). By "we", I mean Meian*, my mum*, and me. Meian* and I took the seat that is in the front, the first one, on the right. My mum*, however, decided to stand on the staircase that leads into the bus (in front of our seat). We talked about something I don*t remember, and we somehow knew that at one moment, the bus will have to drive down a very steep street. However, it didn*t happen this time ... The fact we "knew" about that is just that I remember so many dreams of mine inside a bus where this happened ... And I always was scared of this moment.

- Sequence #3 : I flirted with some guy who worked at a fast food restaurant or something like this. He also flirted back and whatnot, but then I felt sad because it came to my mind that I wasn*t alone.

BESIDES THOSE DREAMS, I have probably found the ideal career for me :D. I will maybe write more about this later, since I have to get going and go grocery shopping now. Do not want XD. Ah, but I have to ...